Parenting Challenges as East Indian Parents

Parenting is a challenging journey for everyone, but for East Indian parents, particularly those navigating cultural transitions in new environments, the challenges can be even more complex. Many parents struggle with setting boundaries, managing fear-based behaviours, and negotiating parenting roles with extended family. Here’s a look at common issues and how to might we address them effectively.

Many parents struggle with setting boundaries, managing fear-based behaviours, and negotiating parenting roles with extended family

Understanding the Root of Parenting Struggles

Many “Indian Parents” have a deep sense of responsibility toward their children, often leading to overprotection, coddling, and difficulty setting boundaries. Common concerns that my patients come to me with include:

• Children being scared to go to school or sleep alone.

• Parents struggling to say “no.”

• Children sleeping with their parents for extended periods.

• Confusion on setting schedules and enforcing discipline.

• Challenges in negotiating rules while living with grandparents.

• Anxiety issues in elementary school children, particularly among Punjabi kids, which worry parents when they notice something feels "off."

The Role of Overprotection and Coddling

“Indian Parenting” styles often emphasize close-knit family bonds, which can sometimes manifest as overprotection. While this fosters emotional security, it may also inadvertently increase a child’s anxiety, making them fearful of separation (e.g., going to school or sleeping alone). To help children build confidence, I often encourage my parent patients to:

• Encourage gradual independence by setting small, achievable challenges.

• Foster resilience through positive reinforcement.

• Introduce bedtime routines that help children transition to sleeping independently.

Setting Boundaries and Implementing Structure

Boundaries are essential for both parents and children. Parents often struggle with saying “no,” leading to children exerting excessive control over household dynamics. Some key strategies may include:

• Using If/Then Contingency Plans: Clearly define consequences (e.g., “If you complete your homework, then you can watch TV.”).

• Creating a structured routine: Predictability provides a sense of security for children.

• Negotiating certain freedoms but maintaining non-negotiable rules.

Grandparents may have a more lenient or rigid approach, which can create confusion for both parents and children. Open conversations, establishing unified rules, and explaining reasonings are all strategies that are helpful to gain support.

The Influence of Grandparents and Extended Family

Multigenerational living is common in East Indian households, often leading to clashes in parenting styles. Grandparents may have a more lenient or rigid approach, which can create confusion for both parents and children. To manage this, I usually discuss the following strategies with my patients:

• Have open conversations with grandparents about parenting styles.

• Establish unified family rules to ensure consistency.

• Explain the reasoning behind certain parenting choices to gain support.

Finding Balance: Traditional Values and Modern Parenting

East Indian parents may feel torn between traditional expectations and modern psychological insights on parenting. It’s crucial to adapt cultural values while ensuring emotional well-being, teach children self-discipline without excessive control and encourage open communication and emotional expression.

Final Thoughts

Parenting is a learning process, and it’s okay to seek help. By setting boundaries, encouraging independence, and fostering open conversations with extended family, newly arrived parents can create a more balanced and healthy home environment for their children. Seeking guidance from parenting workshops or therapists can also provide valuable support in this journey.

— Written by Aman Dhaliwal, Registered Social Worker & Owner, BA, MSW, RSW.

Breathe Counselling is a south Edmonton-based mental health clinic in Alberta, designed to listen, help, and coach those needing counselling and therapy. We specialize in couple’s counselling, men’s counselling, cultural therapy for newcomers, anxiety & depression, work stress management, life transition & loss. Hindi, Punjabi and Urdu counselling services are available through in-person, virtual or phone call sessions by visiting breathecounselling.ca.